Just Thinking

Dear Subway,

I saw your commercial. Why would I buy a sandwich before 9:00 am?

Sincerely,

A confused breakfast eater

Dear Kashi,

Congratulations! You've made tasty kibble for humans. Now kids won't have to use Cheerios to play Scooby-Doo. Love it!

Sincerely,

Forever a Velma

(Seriously. This stuff is yummers.)


Dear City of Dublin, CA,

Are you sure I haven't spent enough money at the East Dublin Target to justify turning on the street lights at the approach to the parking lot?

Sincerely,

A budding shopaholic

(For real though. It is almost impossible to walk into that location without buying something useful but not immediately necessary. Like a mallet.)


I love you Non-Sequitur comic, but when you make me look up a word that's not in my Merriam Webster or Oxford English dictionaries, I get a little suspicious. Because words should be in all unabridged and/or internet and/or Kindle dictionaries.

Hmmm

Are you sure the movie wasn't an expensive ploy to bring Rock 'em Sock 'ems into the 21st century?


Will Century 21 need to change their name now that we're in the 21st century?

Yes, SuperNerds, there is probably a logical explanation for indicating a product is both butter-flavored and made with real butter; that the latter exists does not signify the former is true. Still, I thought the label was weird.


Oh, Cartoon Network. How I went so long without the macaroni cheesy goodness of Batman: The Brave and the Bold is beyond me. Keep on keeping on!

There's a Signal Light at Muirwood and West Las

When I came to the familiar stop, what I first noticed was the street sign. Properly large and easy to read, hanging from a large long pole hovering over the middle of the intersection.
Then there was a murmur of memory.

***
The playground at my elementary school was one of my favorites. There was a tire swing, horizontally mounted, large enough to fit 3 kids comfortably. There were giant cement tubes, half buried in sand, for running through or climbing on. There this tire so large you could rest in the inside gap. You know, the part that fits over a wheel's rim? Climbing it was irresistible to all but those who were afraid of heights.

I hadn't been in a while. The tube becoming home to broken glass and graffiti. Besides, I was getting too old for playgrounds.

But it was summer and daylight, so a walk with the siblings to a decaying childhood treasure would surely be a fitting way to close a chapter of my youth.

Past the swimming pool, up the dirt path and

Nothing.

Well, the field and the backstop for kickball were still there, and the asphalt with the hopscotch and foursquare outlines, and the empty poles for tether ball, and the – are they also called backstops? – brown monoliths perfect for practicing your forehand, but no playground. Just an empty space.

A piece of my childhood razed without warning.

***

The lights aren't yet functional, the signals covered in cardboard and burlap. I'm used to them now, and may even be prepared for when the stop sign goes missing and the light is green. But for an instant, it was like the old schoolyard playground. A part of my past, a piece of me, irrevocably lost.

A deep breath, a sigh, and a small smile. I'd learned to grieve such losses more compactly.

Thoughts on Herman Cain

I'm not terribly interested in politics, and it's really too early for me to start paying close attention to the presidential election. But over the past month or so, I found myself thinking about Herman Cain.

When he first came to national media's attention

Huh.

I wish he would win the nomination. Then Tea Partiers would have evidence to support their assertions of not being racist. And the heads of racist fringe elements would explode.

When the first allegations of sexual harassment came up

Wow. They really think he's a threat.

Really? Of all the dirt you could find on a dark skinned black man running for president, you found claims of sexual harassment? Can you drill any deeper into the historical American stereotype of black men?

Well, he was a man in power. And men in power have a reputation for sexual harassment. So…

Okay. There's the press conference addressing the allegations. Thanks, CNN. [Three hours later] Really, CNN? You're still talking about this? Are you sure there's nothing else going on in the world.

When the allegation of an affair was aired

Wow. They really think he's a threat.

Hasn't he been talking to his wife? Didn't they talk things over, like General Powell had with his wife?

Oh, I see. She stayed home while he's on the campaign trail.

Dude, seriously. Isn't there something else happening in the world right now?

Yes, I know. Deep Thoughts.

An Edem Update

I joined an indie film co-op called Scary Cow. Went to the pitch meeting, met with a couple of the folks – and I'm making a film. Well, helping to make a film.

I went to casting sessions and signed people in and was a reader and a player of games (there were kids in the film; those auditions involved games).

I asked questions in our meetings and was assigned to wardrobe. (Which was kinda like having the girl who can't add do statistical programming.) Traveled the Bay Area, peeking into actors closets, enjoying the view from various bridges. Scoured stores for relatively cheap things. Scored a sweet neon green Members Only jacket for $9.99 – that unfortunately is impervious to fading by bleach. It looks like a green screen, and thus will be part of my Halloween costume next year. I was that close to wearing it to my class reunion.

My class reunion. I arrived after a 10 hour shoot and a pit stop at home. I was woefully underdressed, which makes sense considering I was horribly overdressed at the last reunion. Still, a spouse voted me "best hair". Can't fade the fro, bro.

The passage of time allows for shallow conversation with people you barely nodded to when in high school. Still, we tended to cluster in our cliques. I noticed I flitted about more than others did. And despite needing to be somewhere at 7:30 the next morning, it took me an hour to leave. I was pleasantly surprised by the fact I enjoyed myself. My high school years, after all, were (thankfully) not my best.

While I was taking photos of potential costumes for the film, school started. I got my backordered Econ book 30 minutes before class. "You won't need it for a while," said the professor. 'We'll start with some macro economics, living standards, etc., etc., then move on to microeconomics, supply and demand, etc. etc. which is in the book'.

Next class period we started microeconomics. Which is in the book.

He's a good professor. A bit dry, and sometimes my eyes glaze over when he's explaining a graph. He's a like Columbo – just one more thing before we take our break; just one more thing before we go home. And he does like to lecture until the class ends at 10pm. That is an agony.

If nothing else, I've learned the economic definitions of capitalism and socialism, and now know why some who understand those definitions might call Obama a socialist.

My management class has also been interesting. We've discussed corporate social responsibility and the interaction of business and government. It's a highly participatory class, so my talkative self is active. I'm often afraid I talk too much.

There's group work, of course. And it's painful, of course. The group members are nice, though.

Coming home after my first day on set, my feet hurt and I was dog tired. But I had fun. Loved that we were able to leave the place better than we found it, according to the restaurant owner. By the third shoot, it was clear to me that I loved being on set. I would do almost anything but hold the boom mike (I don't have the strength or stamina. Mad props to those who do). And as I became more comfortable with the crew, I blossomed into my normal bossy self.

It's been awesome. Crew and Cast have been amazing. I've been spoiled to smithereens with the organization and the focus of this project. I've seen how actors work, prepare, and relax. I understand what all the waiting is about. I've had the opportunity to coach kids, be an extra, and best of all, clap the clapper thing (Scene ten point two point four take two!). I was super excited when I got the chance. It remains one of my favorite things to do on set. Seems like such a minor thing, but

One of the things I love about working on the set is that everybody's job is important. It might be small, but it's a necessary contribution to the project. This is a team where no task is insignificant. It's the type of environment I thrive in.

So. . .I've started working on another film. This time, I'm a producer.

Thankfully, like this first film, I'll have a lot of help and guidance. And I don't have to worry too much about procuring funding or finding people to fill roles – the executive producer is handling that. I pretty much need to be myself – trying to make sure everyone has what they need to do the job they came to do.

Still, I've got two papers due and two finals I need to study for. I need to get ready for my last quarter of school (yea!) and a reduced school loan (boo!). And I really need to start a serious exercise regimen before my body falls completely apart.

Looks like it's going to be a busy new year.

August 25, 2011

They're selling Christmas stuff on QVC. Kids are barely in school and they're selling Christmas stuff.

And don't tell me it's for the early birds. The early birds got their Christmas stuff last January at the Christmas close-out sales.

Have you no shame, QVC? Have you no shame?


Stores are crowded with kids and their parents trolling the aisles for the right pens. I like that local classrooms have their supply lists at the stores. I don't the difficulty in getting a parking space. Yes, I'm a suburbanite. I like ease in finding my parking spaces.


How did I not even think to look for Dishy David Tennant on Twitter?

Oh, never mind. I was pointed to news about David Tennant, not tweets (alleged or otherwise) from David Tennant. Ah Vel.


Not only is the Econ book selected for class the newest edition published, said edition is not available on Chegg (most reasonably priced textbook rental site) or Amazon (where books for sale are generally much cheaper). But lo and behold, the book is available for sale or rent on the university bookstore website.

Pretty sneaky, sis. At least they're no longer trying to hide the racket that is college textbook publishing and distribution.

So I go to rent the book, and there's an $8 rental fee. What? I'm picking the thing up in store, so there'd be no shipping, and they charge me an additional $8 on top of the $100 I'm paying?

RACK. IT.

A ThunderCats Update

The twins have joined Lion-O, Tygra, and Cheetara on the Quest, while Snarf has been making sounds reminiscent of the Minions from Despicable Me. One could say he talks, but since it's not annoying, no harm, no foul.

Cheetara is apparently attracted to Lion-O. (It's TV-13, so I guess there has to be a little bit of romance.) So long as they don't kiss as much as they did on the last season of Avatar*, I think I'll be alright.

Most importantly, Panthro's in the house! Saving the day with his catmobile tank, vanquishing bad guys with his nunchucks. All is right in the ThunderCats Universe.

So now the gang's all here. What's next in their quest to find the Book of Omens before Mumm-Ra? I'll be staying tuned (to see more Panthro, of course).

*the cartoon Avatar, The Last Airbender. Not James Cameron's movie. Which doesn't have episodes on TV. Yet.

ThunderCats

Despite being one of my childhood favorites, I remember very little about the story of ThunderCats. Lion-O was king, Cheetara was fast, Mumm-Ra was the bad guy, and Snarf was always whining "Lion-O! Snarf! Snarf!".

Now there's a new version on Cartoon Network. The names may be the same, but the feel is a bit different.

The first thing I noticed was Lion-O's youth. He's literally a cherub-faced teenager - gone are the He-Man muscles. I'm still adjusting.

Is it really necessary for Cheetara to bare her midriff? Were the twins always thieves, and so young? Tygra is Lion-O's brother? Where's Panthro? They killed Panthro?!

Lion-O and Tygra have a fierce sibling rivalry. Tygra embraces traditional attitudes about Thundara and the world beyond; Lion-O believes in fables and doesn’t fully accept the status quo. Yet despite their differences, Tygra has Lion-O's back.

As does Cheetara, who's a bit mysterious at this point.

Panthro is presumed dead in the "outside world" he was sent to explore; the twins are so impoverished they steal to survive; and Snarf (thankfully) does not talk.

The premiere was a nice set up for Lion-O's hero journey. Still, I miss Panthro, and wonder how the twins will get connected to the main action.

So I'll keep watching, looking for Panthro to show up and hoping Snarf never gains the ability to talk.

Observations

It's no use trying to be modest around a toddler. You can bring the stroller into the handicap stall and face it away from you; he will still crane his neck to see what you're doing.

heart healthy Roasted Almonds salted

Ummm…doesn't the salted-ness negate the heart healthiness?

Duct Tape

It's not just gray anymore. Or for ducts.

Sombrero shaped rainbow pasta at Whole Foods

I'm not convinced Whole Foods and Fresh & Easy are direct competitors, as the two stores not so subtlety imply. It's not like Fresh & Easy has 8 different brands of coconut oil. Or rainbow shaped sombrero pasta.


"Sarah Palin uses media to publicize bus tour". Perhaps I missed that lesson in marketing class, but how does one publicize without using media?

The thermostat in the women's bathroom on the second floor of the Las Positas College Phys Ed building looks programmable. Such amazing trust….

Also on the second floor – an indoor track (neatly scribed on the carpet), and classrooms. Presumably for fire reasons, the classroom doors open outwards, directly onto the track. A nice obstacle course for that warm up jog.


You can get a Bacon Maple Sundae at participating Denny's. Now I like bacon. And I love ice cream. But this sounds worse than bacon donuts. (The piece of bacon donut I tasted (from some San Francisco bakery) was barely this side of edible.)

On the other hand, Denny's Mango Madness Smoothie is clearly a step in the right direction.


Am I the only one who watched 300 and said 'Dang! Faramir got buff!'?

No. No. No. No. No.

But still better than giving a card to your pet

Oh dear. If information is the new currency then why have we had insider trading laws since the stock market crash of 1929?

It's good to be taller than the character. Probably another reason why I may never warm up to Chuck E. Cheese.

Do Not Enter Until Intersection is Clear

Warning labels became traffic signs when we proved willing to block traffic just to make the light.





Jabba the Bus



Adventures in Babysitting

I took a 7-year old girl and her 4-year old brother out to dinner. By myself.

There was some initial drama. The 4-year old, freshly awake from a nap, expressed no desire to go to dinner. My attempts at coaxing him to get ready drained my patience. This led to a demand, the inevitable refusal, and a time out.

He brightened up in the car, pretending to throw up on everything in sight.

I had chosen a kid friendly restaurant. Still, I was so frazzled by getting seated, opening crayon packets, and quickly determining what the kids wanted to eat, I didn't give the waitress time to say her name.

My next challenge was to allow an appropriately non-rambunctious level play until food arrived. One rule was to not play on the back of banquette unless the seats on the other side were empty. Still, playing with the 7-year old's sweat shirt turned a little more rambunctious than I liked, leading to tears and comforting hugs. This was followed by kisses (they do love each other, these siblings), which turned into licks, and another activity kiboshed.

Thank goodness for the pre-dinner bread.

Dinner itself was relatively quiet. The rule here was that one could not play while eating, the 10 seconds it took to finish dessert being the only exception. I was actually able to almost savor my apple crumble.

More simulated vomiting on the ride home. Then DVDs, a change into PJs, NickJr, and Sprout until Mom & Dad arrived.

***
I agreed to babysit a 7-year old boy and his 23-month old brother. I couldn't let them sit in the house all day and watch TV, so I decided (with parental permission) to take them to the fair. By myself.

I had Dad show me how to unfold and fold the stroller. Unfortunately, he forgot to mention the lock on the front wheel (it's a 3-wheeled contraption with dirt bike tires), and I spent the first 5 minutes unable to turn the thing properly.

We spent most of the time in the kids' area. I bought a wristband for the 7-year old, so he could ride anything as many times as he wanted.

Twice, I actually pushed the stroller with the little one on my hip. 'What am I thinking?' I said to myself audibly. 'That's what the stroller is for!' My arm thanked me for the extra time it took to strap him in when it was time to move.

We had shaved ice. The little one could barely use the spoon at the end of the straw. Chunks of syrup-soaked ice fell onto his shirt, into his lap, stained the stroller. Undeterred, he did double duty, eating his brother's shaved ice as well as the one we shared.


I didn't bother to change his shirt. I wanted funnel cake before we left.

"I never had that before" said the 7-year old, when faced with the powered-sugared deep fried goodness. "It's better than candy," I told him. "Nothing's better than candy," he assured me. I broke off a piece for him to taste. "You're right. It is better than candy."

If I've accomplished nothing else in this life, I've at least introduced a child to the joy of funnel cake.

How to REALLY prepare for the Rapture

"Be found at one's post, living each day as though it were our last, but planning as though our world might last 100 years"

-C.S. Lewis

An Edem Update

Here's an update of what I've been doing for the past couple of months:

The Play's the Thing
I auditioned for a local play. Though the rehearsal schedule conflicted with my school schedule, I figured the audition would be good practice. Much to my surprise, I got the part!

I played Miss Dearborn, the teacher at the one room school house, in Rebecca of Sunnybrook Farm. It was a wonderful experience – lots of nice folks, lots of learning by absorption.

For photos of my cast, click here. Despite never noticing a camera flash, I still managed to have my eyes closed in 97% of my photos. Go figure.

Thank you to all who were able to come to a performance. I hope you enjoyed the play as much as I enjoyed doing it.

Happy Birthday! Welcome Back to School!
The Spring Quarter started the week of my birthday. My classes were a tale of two cities – it was the best of times, it was the worst of times. One class was an intro to Entrepreneurship. We created our own curriculum, learned some history, ways to value a business, the variety in how businesses are born. Lots of good information, lots of things to chew on.

The other class was Marketing. Now, I had a bias against marketing – I saw it as using psychology to manipulate people into buying things they don't need. (Turns out that's advertising, to some degree.) But marketing is bigger than that, essential to a business and not normally an exercise in deception. Unfortunately, the nature and necessity of marketing was not made very clear in class. But on the upside, I don't have to take the final.

Moving to Part Time
A couple months ago, I requested to go part time during the summer and fall. Not only was it a good project for my negotiation class, the summer months are particularly light work-wise. The less time I spend in the office stewing toxic from boredom and busy work, the better it is for everyone.

So now I work half days on Mondays and Fridays. Yes, it's less money, but there are things money can't buy.

Not much else going on. Summatime is here, even if the weather doesn't know it yet. Time to relax and rejuvenate.

Shopping Convenience

Luckys had no corned beef. That section of the was shelf completely bare, save the price tags. And, since it was the second time I'd encountered this, I left the store and went to Safeway.

Which had corned beef, but no Mrs. Smith's Deep Dish Apple Pie. In fact, there was no Mrs. Smith's any type of pie. I bought the shockingly expensive canned cornbeef and started back towards Luckys.

On my way, I stopped at Gene's Fine Foods and bought my pie. Which is probably where I should've gone in the second place.

sigh

Aren't super markets supposed to be convenient?

Come See Me in a Play!

I'll be making my stage debut in a local production of Rebecca of Sunnybrook Farm, performing at the Firehouse Arts Theatre on the following dates:

  Fri, May 6, 7:30pm
  Sat, May 7, 2:00pm
  Wed, May 11, 9:30am
  Wed, May 11, 11:00am
  Sat, May 14, 7:30pm
  Sun, May 15, 2:00pm

Tickets range from $6 - $12 for children and seniors, and $10-$18 for adults. Go to http://www.firehousearts.org/ to order tickets or for more information.

There'll be laughter. There'll be tears. Come out for a good time!

Out with the Old, In with the New (School Quarter, That Is)

Winter quarter has ended and Spring quarter has begun. School fees stayed stable (thankfully), but are likely to rise 10% for next fall and possibly another 10% for next winter .

My Supply Chain class, which was completely on-line but for the tests, was very well executed. And it's another direction (along with Finance and Accounting) I would shy away from.

That's right. It's heavy on the math-y element of business.

My Negotiation class was great. Lots of hands on, lots of learning about the different levels and types of negotiation. Not that I have the constitution to do it professionally (as a professional negotiator, that is), but now I know what I need to do to work towards the best possible outcomes. Good knowledge to have.

Now I'm in Intro to Entrepreneurship and Intro to Marketing. Thus far, neither has met my expectations.

In Entrepreneurship, we (as a class) made up the syllabus. The things we wanted to learn. The assignments we wanted to do. The grading system for the assignments. Crazy scary cool. I've left each session psyched and appreciative of the things I'm learning. A very cool class.

Marketing. . . We've only had one session, so the appearance of being a bit of a hot mess might be first day jitters. Hopefully.

In other words, I'll have to treat it like a show on Bravo and "watch what happens".

Loving the Distrusted

"How do I love (agape) those I don't trust?" I asked God.

About a month later, He showed me the answer. I was reading a pamphlet about patience(1), which pointed to I Corinthians 13:4-8 and noted, "…being patient is the behavioral way to say, 'I love you'."

The proverbial light came on and popped the bulb.

I had always seen those verses as describing love, the noun. But love is also a verb. I re-read the passage, paying particular attention to verses 4 – 6:

Love suffers long and is kind; love does not envy; love does not parade itself, is not puffed up; does not behave rudely, does not seek its own, is not provoked, thinks no evil; does not rejoice in iniquity, but rejoices in the truth (I Cor 13:4-6, NKJV).

So how do you love those you distrust?

• Be patient (long-suffering)
• Be kind
• Don't be envious, boastful, proud, rude, self-seeking/self-serving
• Don't be easily provoked (or in my case, easily angered and offended)
• Don't rejoice in injustice
• Rejoice in the truth

Simple enough. But what about agape? Isn't is different from regular love?

 

Agape is the love that Christians are to give to everyone. Jesus used it in His Sermon on the Mount, "Love your enemies and pray for those who persecute you" (Matthew 5:44, NIV).

 

You don't have to like someone to agape them. Unfortunately, I also came to believe that you didn't have to see them as valuable. At least, not as valuable as your friends and family. A pat on the head and a small smile and you could agape anyone.

 

However

 

Agape comes from the word agapeo, which means beloved. As in, "This is my beloved Son in whom I am well pleased" (Matthew 3:17, NKJV), beloved. As in how people feel about their children or their favorite cousin, beloved. As in how a child treats their favorite toy, beloved. As in 'I would do anything for you', beloved.

 

What? God wants us to love our enemies like we love the people we would give our lives for? Is He crazy?!

 

**********

 

I noticed that nothing on the list was a feeling.

 

Sure, feelings may be at the root, but what are listed are all actions. Lord knows you don't have to feel patient to be patient (ask a parent or a teacher). Feelings of inadequacy are common reasons for envy, boastfulness, pride, self-centeredness, and rudeness. But a person with low self-esteem doesn’t have to be rude.

 

Love is not a feeling. It's a noun, it's a verb, it's One Nation Under a Groove (2). But it is not a feeling.

 

Thus, we are free to love as God loves; we don't have to feel loving. By the same token, we can't blame our feelings when we're not being loving. With freedom comes accountability.

And since beloveds are cherished and valuable, and we (Christians) are called to love as we would a beloved, those we agape become cherished and valuable. Even when we distrust them.

 

I know. It doesn't even sound easy. But that's the way to do it.

1. Ohlman, Dean. What Does the Bible Say About Patience? RBC Ministries, Discovery Series. 2004.
2. So wide you can't get around it/So low you can't get under it/So high you can't get over it

Improv! Get Your Improv Here!

I took an improv class a couple weeks ago. 'Twas super fun. Who knew my city offered such cool classes?

Turns out the city has a teen improve troupe called Creatures of Impulse. For the second year in a row, they'll be representing California at the Teen Comedy Festival in Chicago. And like any youth group travelling to distant lands, they need a bit of money to help get them there. There will be two shows to support this effort:

Impulsive Short and Long Tales, starring Creatures of Impulse
Saturday, April 2, 7pm, Veterans' Memorial Building, Pleasanton, Tickets-$5

Act I will consist of games and short scenes, with the audience voting for what they'd like to see as a longer scene in Act II. The audience votes with cash, so bring extra bills and make it rain!

Improv Inertia
Friday, April 15 and Saturday April 16, 7:30 pm, Veterans' Memorial Building, Pleasanton, Tickets-$5, Ages 14 and up.

The grown folk will come out and play – and they'll be music, too! (on Saturday, at least.)

If you have questions or simply want to contribute, please contact Mark Duncanson at MDuncanson@ci.pleasanton.ca.us.

I'm in a Play!

I've always been interested in acting, but was too afraid to really try it. But an opportunity arose to audition for a part in a local play and

I got the part!

The play is Rebecca of Sunnybrook Farm, and is based on the silent-film era movie that was made in Pleasanton. My character is Miss Dearborn. The play runs from Friday, May 6th - Sunday, May 15th.

If you're able, please come and support!

Tickets are available here and range from $6-$12 (for children 12 and under & seniors 62 and older) and $10-$18 (for everyone else)

Here is our schedule. There are two casts for the play (if you want to see me, I've highlighted my cast in bold and with arrows)

Fri, May 6, 7:30pm <--
Sat, May 7, 2:00pm <--
Sat, May 7, 7:30pm
Sun, May 8, 2:00pm
Wed, May 11, 9:30am <--
Wed, May 11, 11:00am <--
Thu, May 12, 9:30am
Thu, May 12, 11:00am
Fri, May 13, 7:30pm
Sat, May 14, 2:00pm
Sat, May 14, 7:30pm <--
Sun, May 15, 2:00pm <--

Whether in body or in spirit, thanks for your support!

Leopard Spots on the Horizon

I thought it was one of those oil globules firmly affixed to a strand of hair. (Never mind the fact there was nothing globular in shape or consistency hanging around the follicle.) I kept pulling the hair between my fingers, trying to get the color back to black.

It was two days before I realized it was not a sebaceous secretion.

I immediately panicked, struck by a vision of irregular patches of gray, a leopard with lopsided spots.

I looked in the mirror. Leaned close. Leaned in a little more. Squinted. There it was. My first albino strand of hair, nestled comfortably above my temple.

Computer Madness

Lemme just save this file from one of my classmates for this group project we have.

Right click, okay, select the flash drive.

What was that?

Wait – where's my folder? What happened to my folders?

Cancel cancel open flash drive.

Omigosh. The folder's gone. Maybe I accidentally moved it into another folder?

Search the flash drive.

Or to the hard drive?

Search the hard drive. Shortcuts from Monday night, but no actual folder.

Or to the other flash drive?

Search the other flash drive.

Repeat until the definition of crazy (doing the same thing over and over but expecting a different result) sinks in.

God, can you please just make my folders magically reappear?

A lot of the stuff I need is on Blackboard; I can just re-download it. Hopefully, I won't need to resubmit an assignment I've previously done…

Well, at least I have the folder for my other class, and my paper that's due on next Tuesday.

Small comforts are no less worthy of taking than large ones.

*********

Lemme just copy my paper to the hard drive just in case.

Omigosh. The folder's not there. SNAP!

OmigoshOmigoshOmigosh.

All of my notes. All of my research. I have to re-write my paper, and I'm already behind in my other class…

(Cursing more than ever the fact that I wasted Sunday watching the Academy Awards instead of doing homework.)

Search the hard drive and the folder. Nothin' but shortcuts.

God, can you please PLEASE just make my folders magically reappear?

**********

How many other folders disappeared?

Are you kidding me? Only this quarter's classes have disappeared into some unknown internet/computer/technical portal?

AAARRRGGGHHH!!!!!

A Forgiveness Question

One morning I was gripped by this question: Does forgiveness equal trust?

I tried to remember the circumstances when Jesus forgave. Was trust ever involved? I thought of how we are to be as innocent as doves and as wise as serpents.

I looked up forgiveness in my bible's concordance: "To pardon; show mercy to".

I looked up forgive in a Merriam Webster dictionary: "To give up resentment of or claim to requital".

I looked up pardon: "The excusing of an offense without exacting penalty".

I looked up trust: "Assured reliance on the character, ability, strength, or truth of someone or something. One in which confidence is placed."

I imagined forgiveness. Free from the hunger for retribution, one shakes the dust off of their shoes and moves on.

A sigh of relief - I don't have to trust to forgive. A concerned pause – It is more difficult to forgive those I distrust.

Afro!

My standard method of wash/blow dry/flat iron-curl was producing an every day is a shaggy dog bad hair day. I had to add another layer of heat (wash/blow dry/press/curl) to get my hair to look halfway decent. Another layer of heat, another hour of work on my hair.

Snip snip!

I had been growing out my relaxer for a while, planning to cut it out in March as a birthday gift to myself. But the threat of more work to get the coif presentable sped up my timeline.

I had this look ~ four years ago. When I last took my driver's license picture. When I went to Hawaii twice, for two different weddings. When I was pummeled by a wave while body surfing and spent at least 4 hours washing the sand out of my hair, coming to an intimate understanding of why my mother gave me a mild relaxer when I was in preschool, a child who couldn't say 'no' to the sandbox.

I've gotten many more compliments than I expected, a pleasant, though sometimes interesting surprise. One person thought I had gotten a perm; it didn't occur to them that I my hair was not naturally straight, bless their heart.

So here I am, hair au naturel once again.

Fresh from the salon

Luggage for the New Year

For all of the talk of a clean slate, we bring with us into the New Year our old baggage.

I noticed a faint numbness in my fingertips in November, prompting me to see a doctor. It was determined that the numbness, along with the accompanying sharp shoulder and the intense achy neck pains, were a work-related cumulative trauma injury.

Ergonomics.

Fixing it would be more than adding a back support and a foot rest to my cubicle. It would involve my posture.

My posture – slumped, eyes to the ground, an attempt to curl into invisibility – my posture can't support my neck.

So I have to learn to stand tall, to sit straight. Shoulders back, chest out, just like my parents insisted. Just as I always resisted.

I'm strengthening muscles I didn't know I had. And it hurts. Early going, the pain is not dissipating, but redistributing. It's becoming more tempting to slump back into my old ways. To pick up old bags, reasserting a belief in my worthlessness. Keeping my eyes to the ground and my shoulders hunched.

But to keep the neck pain from returning, I need to learn to be comfortable standing tall, being visible. I need to develop a belief in my worth. Chin up. Eyes forward. Undeniably present.

Such is the promise of a New Year. We cherish the hope that some of our luggage can finally be shed.