A Five Hour Job

Inventory.

By counting the number of items in a store, a company can assess their current worth and confirm the size of their theft problem. It's hard to tell how much is stolen if you don't know how much you have – and how much you should have.

We were told to pack light, and to try not to bring any bags. I brought my purse, into which I packed water and a sandwich. Five hours with a 10 minute break? A girl's gotta eat.

As roughly 50 temps amassed outside the doors, shoppers were curious and anxious. Are you waiting to shop? Is there some sort of special sale going on?

Once inside, we were taught how to use a scanner.

Ooo, it's like phaser! someone said. Or did they say taser?

Once trained, we were sent to different departments of the store. I was sent to women's shoes.

Ahhhh Yeahhh.

The store was silent, but for the beeps of scanners, and whispered God Bless Yous in response to sneezes.

Scan the shelf barcode. Take the shoe box off of the rack; ensure it contains a proper pair. Scan the code on the right shoe. Repeat until you've taken all of the boxes off of that shelf. Press a button on the scanner. Count the boxes you've taken off of the shelf. Enter the number into the scanner. Hoorah! It Balances! Write that number, and your initials, on the sticker that has the shelf barcode. Next!

There were six shelves on a rack, with a mode* of six boxes to a shelf. Up, down, up, down, crouch, twist, count, write, up, down

My organized self was aghast. Only 10% of the shoes were in the correct box. Do I want to know why a pair of 4-inch heels were in a box meant for knee-high boots?

Naturally, I had to put the shoes neatly back into the boxes. I'm not great with the spacial, so it took me a little longer, especially when it came to boots. If I put the right boot in this way, the left boot goes upside down and – no wait, that's not working. Maybe if I try   uh, no. Oh! There it is!

After an hour, I was trembling, my muscles unused to repetitive physical exertion. Still, I wasn't sore when I went to bed that night.

No, soreness would come by the middle of the next day. I was unable to squat to the floor to pick up a piece of paper without wincing in pain.

It's taken another 48 hours to get to an almost pain free 95% mobility.

That's why exercise is important, kids. You never know when you'll be asked to do inventory.

*as in mean, median, mode. 'member?