The Invisalign Chronicles 2: Vanity

The trays (I call them teeth), simply fit over your teeth. Like removable gold plated grills one could use to look like Li'l Wayne. Or is it Li'l Jon? Whoever says "yeah" in that Usher song.

One for the top, one for the bottom.

They're known as practice trays, and they come with a bleaching solution so you can get that thousand watt smile in the comfort of your own home.

I tried one application. At two 15 minute sessions, I took a double syringe looking thingy and squeezed dots of solution onto the trays, where my front teeth are. The squeezing mixes two different compounds together into the magic solution that works wonders.

In my case, the next day, I felt a tingle by my molars, where I had not applied the bleach. Considering that everyone, including the dentist, says my teeth are white, I feel no guilt in forgoing the treatment.

Apparently, people have trouble putting the trays on. But since I wore a night guard, the concept wasn't difficult. The biggest change was popping something onto my lower teeth.

Well, no, that's not true. The biggest change is not being able to eat as I normally would.

I can drink water with my "teeth" in. But I can't eat with them. The entire process? Take teeth out. Eat. Brush teeth (both real and trays). Floss. Put teeth back in. Not very conducive to my grazing habits.

As you can see, optimal wear time is 22 hours. Which leaves two hours for breakfast, lunch, and dinner. Two hours. It takes me that long to eat breakfast on a lazy day Saturday. People lose weight wearing Invisalign.

As warned, I have a mild lisp when my "teeth" are in. My hope is that I can get past it, but so far I've been inconsistent. The S's give me the most trouble.

Allegedly, you only need to soak the trays in denture cleaner once a week. The rest of the time, you can scrub them with your toothbrush, after you brush your teeth. The residual toothpaste should be enough.

But after a few hours, the bad breath starts the sneak up.

Mints are okay. But you can't chew it when it gets to that super tiny size. You've got to let it completely dissolve in your mouth. Another adjustment.