Travelogue: Florida in December

The Lost Tweets or What I would've Tweetbooked if I wasn't too cheap buy airplane Wi-Fi and/or having too much fun to update my status every two seconds

There's no line at security. NONE. I'm totally disconcerted.

Ah, man! I picked the one with the full body scanner. #Fail.

Thank goodness for Starbucks Gift Cards – vacation on the cheap.

Wait – why do you need to put "No Sodium" on your bottled water?

Why, I do believe I want a t-shirt that says Hella Tight. Only I want the "Tight" to be right-side up.

SkyMall: Destroying Men's Fashion one shirt at a time

 

Phoenix needs to update their bathrooms so you can easily maneuver carry-on luggage. A la Oakland.

The luggage that rolls multiple ways? Totally worth it.

Delays leaving Phoenix. This man cranky about the delays is more irritating than a bratty kid.

Look – you're in an airport with the intention of boarding an airplane. Expect Delays. It's the Holidays. Expect Delays. It's a Friday. Expect Delays. Don't be cranky. That's what fancy phones and tablets and books are for. Delays.

Lorna Doone 100 calorie shortbread crisps. No high fructose corn syrup. 0g trans fat. Sugar and Palm Oil are the 2^nd and 3^rd ingredients, respectively. Imagine that. Diet food with sugar.

Oop – there's the funky aftertaste. I'm blaming the dextrose.

Forgot my Airborne chewables <sigh>

Oh! There's a Hyatt in the Orlando Airport. How did I miss that last time?

Finished a 25oz bottle of water. Normally, it takes me 2 days to finish a 20 oz bottle. Somebody's dehydrated.

Of course I get lost going to the bus stop, map in hand.

Bus to EPCOT is like a city bus. Except you're in a resort. And the bus isn't nasty. And they call it a motor coach.

Really, Florida? Why you gotta have a SoCal winter while I'm here?

Grown man in mouse ears. Pirate mouse ears.

Main Street Electrical Light Parade still includes Pete's Dragon. And that funky music.

Swiss Family Robinson Tree House!

Wait – Pirates of the Caribbean is in the wrong place.

Camouflage jumpsuit that at first glance looks like a blanket sleeper. Only a teenage boy in the Magic Kingdom.

DisneyWorld and DisneyLand are in both Orange County. Tee Hee.

Ohhh. So the Hollywood part of California Adventure is supposed to be a mini version of Disney Hollywood Studios. Got it.

The street that's supposed to be San Francisco isn't right. And I don't know San Francisco very well.

Where can I get some of the old Mickey Mouse cartoons? Steam Boat Willie through 1983 Mickey's Christmas Carol, please.

Funnel Cake!

B14. Yes!

Stick with me, kid, and you'll always be the spy on Star Tours.

And A52? Whaaa?

Is the Kansas City Airport (or at least the part where Southwest lands) under construction? Because my oh my. Be careful or you'll exit and have to go through security again.

Only two stalls in the women's bathroom? Whaddup, KC?

Wait – did I just miss the chance to have Kansas City BBQ by ordering pork sliders instead?

I would totally take an all expenses paid stay at DisneyWorld and write about it for some one. Hotel by hotel, even. (you should read that last sentence as Snagglepuss. Or Hollywood Squares' Paul Lind)