A Cover Letter I Wish I Could Use For Reals

Dear Hiring Manager,

Has a brief scan of my résumé led you to wonder about my suitability for this position? Please, do not be alarmed. You are looking for someone to work for you temporarily; I am looking for somewhere to work temporarily. We have similar interests. This suggests a relationship worth pursuing.

Are you still a bit uneasy? Do you see me as over-qualified? Consider this: my apparent over-qualification may lead to a faster project completion time. Which converts to fewer hours you would need me – and less money you would spend to have me in the office. If part of your objective is reduced costs, I may be a part of your solution.

Of course, you may have other objectives. You may want someone who can converse easily with customers or employees (check), who is interested in doing a job well done (check), and who can write a coherent sentence without using text-speak (check).

Then again, you may see me as either under- or un-qualified. You need very specific skills or experience which I obviously did not comprehend from your advertisement. I sigh, cheeks red with embarrassment. May the next candidate be The One.

However, if you are comfortable with someone who is able to catch on quickly (check), you may want to take another look at my résumé. I might be what you need for such a time as this.

Thank you for your attention and (hopefully) your consideration,

Sincerely,

An Edem Update

So…what's going on with me?

On the work front, as of January 31^st, I will no longer be employed at EPIC (Edgewood Partners Insurance Center). It's time to move on from the world of commercial insurance. And in true Edem fashion, I have no idea what I will do next. I'm excited about this new chapter of my life – and a little nervous about how I'll pay my bills.

On the theatre front, I stage managed my first musical, Puss in Boots. In March, I'll be onstage as Mrs. Settergren in Pippi Longstocking. The dates and times you can see me are:

Sat, Mar 2, 7:30pm

Sun, Mar 3, 2:00pm

Fri, Mar 8, 7:30pm

Sat, Mar 9, 2:00 pm

Tickets are currently available online (http://www.firehousearts.org/events/events-list) or at the Firehouse Arts Center Box Office in downtown Pleasanton.

On the health front, years of knashing my teeth have resulted in disalignment. Into braces (Invisalign) I go – look for future blog posts about this adventure.

On the hobby front, I've got one scarf on the knitting needles, and another on the crochet hook. I've sewn my second prototype eyeglass case and hope to get a phone case prototype out in the next two months. That's right. Keeping it crafty.

On the family front, my sister recently married. The beautiful, intimate ceremony and reception was a portrait of the Church – people loving each other and praising God. Good times. Good. Times.

Yep. Not much going on with me. Just a year of Hope and Change.

Travelogue Florida: Disneyworld

DisneyWorld includes four theme parks, Downtown Disney, a boatload of hotels and resorts, a wedding pavilion, golf courses, and a transportation system (bus and monorail) that connects most of it together.

It's massive.

If you're staying at a Disney resort or hotel, you can use Disney Magical Express to get to and from the airport. It's a tour bus with little tvs that will tell you about some of the theme park attractions. I had all carry-on, but they'll take your checked bags directly to your room when you arrive. Oh, and Southwest flyers - they'll print your boarding pass for ya'. Oh yes. Disney knows what it do.

I stayed at the Old Key West Resort, a collection of condos and vacation homes surrounding a golf course. It's so big, I was driven to my room in the concierge golf cart. There are several bus stops in the resort, so when you want to get to Downtown Disney or EPCOT center, just go to the nearest bus stop and wait for your bus. Which is like riding a city bus. Only it's clean. And they call it a motor coach.

EPCOT

I spent most of my time on the science-y side (there's also a side with country-themed pavilions) After two rides (an exploration of human's innovation, narrated by Dame Judi Dench and an ode to imagination featuring Eric Idle), I thought, The British have invaded. Again.

But then I went on a space mission ride narrated by Gary Sinise. There are two versions – one that doesn't spin (green) and one that does (orange). The orange version can be so intense for some, there are barf bags. On the ride.

Despite having eaten half a pretzel, I took the orange.

Though I didn't feel any spinning, I did, however, follow the directions – keep your eyes open and face forward. Fighting my initial impulse to close my eyes probably made all the difference. Super fun. I recommend it.

The fireworks show, however, was disappointing. Not the fireworks themselves – they were cool. But there was a giant globe that seemed to float in air (cool) and stop at point that was difficult to see from where we were standing (not cool). If you're going to tout your show as being visible from all vantage points, then please make sure all vantage points are equally spectacular.

After the initial barrage of fireworks (and fire – mmm, heat!) there was a lot of talk. Something something something, we're all human so we shouldn't hate each other, something something something, images on the cool globe keep changing something something something ooh, fireworks, more talking, peace on earth, something something something hey the globe is opening! That's cool. More fireworks are they going to bring back the fire again? 'cause I'm cold. More talking something something something fireworks fireworks the end.

Underwhelming. Perturbingly uncharacteristic for Disney.

Disney Hollywood Studios

I saw three of the six live shows – Fantasmic (basically the same as what you see in Disneyland), Indiana Jones Epic Stunt Spectacular (not bad) and Lights, Motors, Action! Extreme Stunt Show (my favorite). It was all about stunt car driving. They literally burn rubber, and they show you some of the tricks. Geek!

Only go on the Studio Backlot Tour if you need to take up 40 minutes until your next thing. The best thing about it is the end, where you can go into the AFI Film Institute thingy and see costumes and props from various movies.

Walt Disney, One Man's Dream, an interesting movie that's not too rah rah. I wanted to get my hands on classic Mickey Mouse cartoons after I had seen it.

The Great Movie Ride puts favorite movie scenes and genres on animatronic display, with some bearable cheese from the guides. I was pleased that the Wizard of Oz Munchkin Land display included the frowny one from the Lollipop Guild.

Star Tours is always lovely, we skipped the Tower of Terror, and Rock 'n' Roller Coaster Starring Aerosmith is, literally, a blast.

If I ever go back to Disney Hollywood Studios, I want to eat at the 50's Prime Time Café. The Dick Van Dyke show was on a black & white tv in the waiting area. And to the left was an area that looked like a 1960s family room. Totally geeked on the décor.

Magic Kingdom

For those of you who know DisneyLand by heart, Magic Kingdom will throw you for a bit of a loop. Things are in the wrong place, or not there at all. And there are things that are there that aren't in DisneyLand.

Now, the Lands are all in the right place. But there's no corn dog cart. There's no Scary Adventures of Snow White, Mr. Toad's Wild Ride, or Matterhorn. It's Prince Charming's Carousel (not King Arthur's), Cinderella's Castle (not Sleeping Beauty's), the Tomorrowland Speedway (not Autotopia), and Liberty Square (not New Orleans' Square). The Winnie the Pooh ride is in Fantasyland (not Frontierland), and Pirates of the Caribbean is in Adventure Land (not New Orleans' - er - Liberty Square). A bit disconcerting.

But they still have the Swiss Family Robinson Tree House, the People Mover, and Walt Disney's Carousel of Progress (which I didn't get to go on, but will go back to Florida just so I can understand why my friend thinks it's so horrendous. I predict I'll love it.)

They're adding a Snow White Mine Ride (rollercoaster) and some sort of Rapunzel thing (we saw the tower). Oh, and Peter Pan has fast passes. Genius. Whadup, DisneyLand?

Most importantly, there is a place in Liberty Square that sells funnel cake. I know, right?

Animal Kingdom (Resort)

We had dinner at Sanaa, in the Animal Kingdom resort. While waiting for your table, you can go out on the patio and watch animals chilling. Wildebeasts and warthogs and what not.

The food is Indian-inspired. The waiter asks if anyone has food allergies, and then the chef comes to discuss with the allergy prone what can and cannot be eaten.

It's a cool place. The food is good. They sing the Stevie Wonder version of Happy Birthday and know how to end it. They make sure the food doesn't kill you. They have five types of Rooibus tea. And you can watch animals while you're waiting for your table. Using night goggles when it's dark.

Yep. I need to start planning my next trip.

Travelogue: Florida in December

The Lost Tweets or What I would've Tweetbooked if I wasn't too cheap buy airplane Wi-Fi and/or having too much fun to update my status every two seconds

There's no line at security. NONE. I'm totally disconcerted.

Ah, man! I picked the one with the full body scanner. #Fail.

Thank goodness for Starbucks Gift Cards – vacation on the cheap.

Wait – why do you need to put "No Sodium" on your bottled water?

Why, I do believe I want a t-shirt that says Hella Tight. Only I want the "Tight" to be right-side up.

SkyMall: Destroying Men's Fashion one shirt at a time

 

Phoenix needs to update their bathrooms so you can easily maneuver carry-on luggage. A la Oakland.

The luggage that rolls multiple ways? Totally worth it.

Delays leaving Phoenix. This man cranky about the delays is more irritating than a bratty kid.

Look – you're in an airport with the intention of boarding an airplane. Expect Delays. It's the Holidays. Expect Delays. It's a Friday. Expect Delays. Don't be cranky. That's what fancy phones and tablets and books are for. Delays.

Lorna Doone 100 calorie shortbread crisps. No high fructose corn syrup. 0g trans fat. Sugar and Palm Oil are the 2^nd and 3^rd ingredients, respectively. Imagine that. Diet food with sugar.

Oop – there's the funky aftertaste. I'm blaming the dextrose.

Forgot my Airborne chewables <sigh>

Oh! There's a Hyatt in the Orlando Airport. How did I miss that last time?

Finished a 25oz bottle of water. Normally, it takes me 2 days to finish a 20 oz bottle. Somebody's dehydrated.

Of course I get lost going to the bus stop, map in hand.

Bus to EPCOT is like a city bus. Except you're in a resort. And the bus isn't nasty. And they call it a motor coach.

Really, Florida? Why you gotta have a SoCal winter while I'm here?

Grown man in mouse ears. Pirate mouse ears.

Main Street Electrical Light Parade still includes Pete's Dragon. And that funky music.

Swiss Family Robinson Tree House!

Wait – Pirates of the Caribbean is in the wrong place.

Camouflage jumpsuit that at first glance looks like a blanket sleeper. Only a teenage boy in the Magic Kingdom.

DisneyWorld and DisneyLand are in both Orange County. Tee Hee.

Ohhh. So the Hollywood part of California Adventure is supposed to be a mini version of Disney Hollywood Studios. Got it.

The street that's supposed to be San Francisco isn't right. And I don't know San Francisco very well.

Where can I get some of the old Mickey Mouse cartoons? Steam Boat Willie through 1983 Mickey's Christmas Carol, please.

Funnel Cake!

B14. Yes!

Stick with me, kid, and you'll always be the spy on Star Tours.

And A52? Whaaa?

Is the Kansas City Airport (or at least the part where Southwest lands) under construction? Because my oh my. Be careful or you'll exit and have to go through security again.

Only two stalls in the women's bathroom? Whaddup, KC?

Wait – did I just miss the chance to have Kansas City BBQ by ordering pork sliders instead?

I would totally take an all expenses paid stay at DisneyWorld and write about it for some one. Hotel by hotel, even. (you should read that last sentence as Snagglepuss. Or Hollywood Squares' Paul Lind)

On the Small Screen: Elementary

I am enjoying Elementary.

Set in the current day, the premise is that Sherlock Holmes has come to New York at the insistence of his father, as part of a rehab program. Watson is his live-in case manager for a portion of the program. To get his mystery fix, Holmes is a consultant to the NYPD.

The advertised twist is that Watson is a woman. But the real twist is that we are at the beginning of the Holmes-Watson relationship. They're both wounded, these two. How do they move from perfect strangers to steadfast friends? How do they help each other heal?

And there's Aidan Quinn. Squee!

This Holmes is more accessible than other incarnations. Yes, he's brilliant and pain in the potuckus. But we also see him embarrassed. We see him nervous. He's more human and less of a superhero sleuth.

A word about Sherlock, a BBC series which airs on PBS. That show is a translation of the characters and stories into modern-day England. Elementary is a proper CBS crime procedural with enough story about the characters to keep us riveted. Different shows. Both delightful. There's no reason one can't like them both.

At the Movies

Les Miserables

I've never seen Les Miz. Never seen the play, never read the book, never seen the movie with Liam Neeson. I assumed Javert was a non-singing role, because he's played by Russell Crowe. In other words, I had no idea what to expect.

I loved it.

I was so curious to see what would happen next, I didn't notice it was a three hour film.

I think all but ten words were sung. So the grand experiment (the actors sang live, their microphones edited out in post-production) makes perfect sense. I mean, the transition from song to sung dialogue would have been extremely tricky sound editing wise, yeah?

Pretty much everyone had beautiful voices. Yes, even Russell Crowe did a decent job. For someone not known for singing, the fact he didn't Brosnan any of his songs is a triumph. Still, I know he singing threw some people off.

What threw me off? The ginormous elephant statue.

The Hobbit

Based on the reviews, I was expecting to be disappointed. But I wanted to see this 48 frames per second newfangledness. And I like Martin Freeman, who plays the title character.

I was pleasantly surprised by the fact I enjoyed the film. The reason it's done so well is because, all in all, it's an entertaining.

Now, a woefully inadequate description of this 48 FPR thing: You know how most movies and TV shows have a glossy feel to them? Well, 48FPR feels matte. Not unpolished, but not glossy.

I liked the look. And a bonus – less eye strain from the 3D.

The film should be considered a prequel to the Lord of the Rings trilogy. There is more foreshadowing in the movie than what I imagine was in the book.

(Literarily speaking, The Lord of the Rings are sequels to The Hobbit. That is, The Hobbit came first and The Lord of the Rings built upon it.)

So, next up – the Desolation of Smaug. (Because they took the shortest book of the series and made it into three movies.) But the lingering question is, what's the third movie going to be about?