Luggage for the New Year

For all of the talk of a clean slate, we bring with us into the New Year our old baggage.

I noticed a faint numbness in my fingertips in November, prompting me to see a doctor. It was determined that the numbness, along with the accompanying sharp shoulder and the intense achy neck pains, were a work-related cumulative trauma injury.

Ergonomics.

Fixing it would be more than adding a back support and a foot rest to my cubicle. It would involve my posture.

My posture – slumped, eyes to the ground, an attempt to curl into invisibility – my posture can't support my neck.

So I have to learn to stand tall, to sit straight. Shoulders back, chest out, just like my parents insisted. Just as I always resisted.

I'm strengthening muscles I didn't know I had. And it hurts. Early going, the pain is not dissipating, but redistributing. It's becoming more tempting to slump back into my old ways. To pick up old bags, reasserting a belief in my worthlessness. Keeping my eyes to the ground and my shoulders hunched.

But to keep the neck pain from returning, I need to learn to be comfortable standing tall, being visible. I need to develop a belief in my worth. Chin up. Eyes forward. Undeniably present.

Such is the promise of a New Year. We cherish the hope that some of our luggage can finally be shed.

An Edem Update

This quarter I took Finance and Executive Leadership. To my surprise, I found elements of the finance course interesting. And much to my delight, I did decently in the stock market game we had to play. However, I did do poorly enough on the final to earn a B+ - I had an A- going in.

There is a lot of leadership theory out there. A lot. And the question of whether leadership is inherent or can be taught remains. But I got to watch most of 12 Angry Men, which I then had to go get from the library because there was not enough class time to finish the movie. So sad they couldn't sell a movie like that today! One set, no explosions (except what comes out of the actors' mouths). Don't get me wrong, I like a blowed up as much as the next girl. But man oh man! Could you imagine?

I got a lot out of both classes, from both the instruction and the (dreaded) group work. I'm still digesting it all.

Next up – Supply Chain and Negotiation. Supply Chain is a predominately online class. I don't particularly like online classes, so it will be interesting.

One thing's for sure - I'll be renting books again this quarter. Chegg is the best bargain of them all.

I've been working camera and shader as part of the production team at my church. I think my camera work is improving - I felt really good about this past Sunday; everything felt smooooth. And the day before was long and tiring (but enjoyable – a Wizard of Oz tap extravaganza that included a Tom Jones-ish version of Welcome to the Jungle (opening chords were piano) that would be appropriate for Disney, a techno version of The Lion Sleeps Tonight which might’ve been in Madagascar, and Ella (Fitzgerald) singing Ding Dong the Witch is Dead.)

Shading is a different story. A shader adjusts the brightness, so what is seen on the screen is consistent between cameras. But what I see is not quite what the director sees is not quite what is seen on screen. And the brightness is affected by the lighting on stage. And what is bright to me is not always bright to anyone else. Nor am I skilled enough to constantly adjust between cameras when the speaker consistently walks into (and out of) a dark spot on stage.

I do, however, know enough to crank it down when someone comes onstage to speak – the way the band is lighted is significantly different than when someone is giving announcements. So I've learned something.

I'll be spending the next few weeks hopefully getting one of my many sewing projects finished (or at least moved farther along.) and trying to gear up for next quarter.

May your days be merry and bright,

Random

Since I've gotten a smart phone, I've taken more pictures than I've ever taken thus far in my life.

If you've seen The Pirates Who Don't Do Anything, you'll understand why I was incredibly brave to eat an entire bag of these:

Shagtastic!*

*available at Target Matching scarf sold seperately

In one of the older buildings on campus, the toilets have foot pedal flushes. Why didn’t' this catch on? It seems ingenious to me. And most of us use our feet to flush anyway. Granted, those foot pedals might also be the reason why one of the bathrooms always smells like mold...

Saw pairs of Vera Wang flip flops selling for $95 in a Nordstrom catalogue. They look like something you could buy at Payless Rite Aid CVS and bedazzle at home.

I broke my fork when washing it. Snapped it clean. I didn’t do anything different from what I'd done before when washing it.

It came with a set I got on sale, aimed at college students. One plate, one bowl, a knife, fork, and spoon. (apparently, college kids don’t have guests). The fork lasted at least 6 months, I think.



I'm sure it's been answered, but why are colds called colds? Nyquil commercials were brilliant, though (SneezingSnifflingStuffyHeadFever SoYouCanRest Medicine)



I tried on several pairs of skinny jeans the other day. I had to jump up and down to pull some of them on. A few could not make it past my rump. All left the dreaded gap which, for me, makes buying jeans and pants a pain.



Best advice I've received thus far: "Don't be so hard on yourself!"



They raised the fees 4.44% for Winter Quarter. And didn't publish the new fees on the secure website until at least Sat, 12/4. Then they sent email notices on Mon 12/6 about not paying fees.

Last year, I had been told that changes in fees would not affect those on financial aid. Apparently, that person didn't know what they were talking about. An extra $142 doesn’t' seem like much, but it makes the budgeting tighter.  And the steam rise faster from the top of my head.

Cute dog. But with that mentality, you'll end of on What Not to Wear or How Do I Look



Saw some of Addams Family Values and realized that David Krumholtz was the little boy Wednesday (Christina Ricci) meets at camp. I already knew that Peter MacNicol was the camp counselor…So David Krumholtz got to work with Peter MacNicol both as a kid and as an adult (in Numbers). Cool.

They keep growin' them like this, and soon we'll be carving 'em* for Halloween

*them would be oranges.  Not grapefruit.  Oranges.

Hey. I'm still a nerd, even if I can't do math in my head. Holla

If they sold these with Happy Meals instead of the crappy toys, would they bother banning toys in Happy Meals?

(The answer is yes - the issue is the unhealthfulness of the food.  But from what I've heard, kids don't want Happy Meals because of the toys.  They're addicted to the french fries like everyone else. Banning the toy probably doesn't do a thing in that regard.)

Really?

Dude, really?

Cross Bearers Church: An Unauthorized Plug

Tired a church that puts status above all else? Consider attending Cross Bearers Church in Oakland, CA.

Pastored by Reverend Demetries Edwards, Cross Bearers is a non-denominational congregation that meets in the McClymonds High School auditorium at 10am on Sundays. Pastor Edwards is committed to teaching from the bible and preaching the good news of Christ.

If you want empty religious entertainment, I recommend looking elsewhere. At Cross Bearers, you'll not only brag about what a good time you had, you'll be able to describe the morning's message and the actions you'll take because of what you've heard.

For more information, visit www.crossbearerschurch.org.

It Takes Practice

It took about a week and a half for me to fall off the wagon.

Maybe shorter. It's easy to slip into old habits. Then circumstances conspire to out bring not only the worst in you, but to take you back. Waaay back.

To hearing myself grumble, a teenager grousing about petty things, peeved that she is hearing things through the grapevine while everyone else was told directly. You know, I didn't particularly like ages 11 through 21 the first time around. I am not enjoying this trip down memory lane.

On another occasion, defensiveness took hold, sharpening my tone and spurting frustration mixed with impatience. Loving responses don't usually come from such a source.

How do you love when you don't trust? When you are accustomed to defending yourself because you feel, you know that no one will defend you? How do you learn?

I always make the mistake of thinking I can get it right the first time. I'm smart, right? I'm supposed to be able to get this. Then I remembered that no one gets this overnight. I stopped beating myself up and put the boxing gloves away. It takes time and practice.

So back to practice.

Why Are School Girl Outfits Sexy?

The plaid skirt, knee high socks, crisp white blouse and cardigan that is apparently the staple of many a teenage girl who attends a private high school.


(So I've heard. I didn't go to a private high school, but I did go to private elementary schools. Had all the gear, in two different colors to boot.)

Why is the involuntary garb of a teenager (or in my case, child) sexy when worn by a woman? Why is dressing like a minor a turn on?

I ask because of the GQ-Glee controversy. No controversy to "mainstream" media – women posing as sex objects is acceptable and de rigueur. And I agree with the argument that technically, it's not pedophilia because the photographs involved adults.

However

Am I correct in understanding that the women were portraying teenagers in high school?

Am I correct in understanding that the location was meant to represent high school?

Am I correct in understanding that the target audience for GQ is 25-39 year olds? Hip Generation X men?

If I'm not, then okay, this is just unfortunate par for the course. I have issues with the 'female as sex object' motif.

But if I am correct, then why is it a good thing for 30-something men to be ogling high schoolers? Why is it okay to encourage men to look at teenagers as objects to satiate sexual dreams and satisfy sexual desires?

Why are school girl outfits sexy?

Living Jonah

I hate my job.

I hate my job because for 9 months out of the year, I often have only 2 days worth of work to do in any given month.

I hate my job because when I repeatedly informed the powers that be that I was light on work, I was ignored. I gave up, and stopped asking. In my 3rd year. I'm now in my 7th.

(There was a brief respite from such nonsense for ~a year and a half. I had a supervisor who had a long list of things she wanted me to do. Even if she couldn't respond right away, I knew she had something for me. She heard me. She cared about me.)

Start with anger, divide it into sections. Let a section or two curdle into bitterness; reintroduce into the original anger batter. Add ego bruisings such as:

• Did you just really ask me to add a column to the shared spreadsheet so that you could blame me if something went wrong?

• I've worked with you for almost 6 years and you're still astonished by the speed at which I work?

• I'm still here because I’m too dumb to work elsewhere, right?

 

Knead until well mixed. Let sit and rise.

 

Congratulations! You've just made spontaneous combativeness and extreme apathy!

 

We all act like teenagers when we feel no one is listening to us. Or toddlers if we are prone to particularly loud violent tantrums.

When I cried, defeated and in anguish, my faith was the only thing I could cling to. A thin chord, slowly unraveling.


Those who follow Christ are to be Lights. Regardless of where they are or what situation they find themselves in. It can be difficult (that's why the Holy Spirit empowers), but it's what we are commanded to do.


But I didn't want to be a Light. I didn't want to show the Love of Jesus. I didn't want to possibly be the only Bible that they ever read. I didn't want them to go to Hell, but I surely didn't want to be the messenger. I'll take the belly of the whale, thank you.


So in the belly I sat. Rebellious.


*********************************************************************************

 

I've repented, turned from my rebellion. Now I ask for strength daily and try to love my neighbor as myself. I try not to snap or sulk or be sullen, even when I have nothing to do. I try to be considerate. I try to smile and laugh more often.

 

I gave someone compliment the other day. It was sincere – the sweater really did look good with her skin tone. Her smile was so bright…it made my day.

 

My situation hasn't changed.

 

I have.