Living Jonah

I hate my job.

I hate my job because for 9 months out of the year, I often have only 2 days worth of work to do in any given month.

I hate my job because when I repeatedly informed the powers that be that I was light on work, I was ignored. I gave up, and stopped asking. In my 3rd year. I'm now in my 7th.

(There was a brief respite from such nonsense for ~a year and a half. I had a supervisor who had a long list of things she wanted me to do. Even if she couldn't respond right away, I knew she had something for me. She heard me. She cared about me.)

Start with anger, divide it into sections. Let a section or two curdle into bitterness; reintroduce into the original anger batter. Add ego bruisings such as:

• Did you just really ask me to add a column to the shared spreadsheet so that you could blame me if something went wrong?

• I've worked with you for almost 6 years and you're still astonished by the speed at which I work?

• I'm still here because I’m too dumb to work elsewhere, right?

 

Knead until well mixed. Let sit and rise.

 

Congratulations! You've just made spontaneous combativeness and extreme apathy!

 

We all act like teenagers when we feel no one is listening to us. Or toddlers if we are prone to particularly loud violent tantrums.

When I cried, defeated and in anguish, my faith was the only thing I could cling to. A thin chord, slowly unraveling.


Those who follow Christ are to be Lights. Regardless of where they are or what situation they find themselves in. It can be difficult (that's why the Holy Spirit empowers), but it's what we are commanded to do.


But I didn't want to be a Light. I didn't want to show the Love of Jesus. I didn't want to possibly be the only Bible that they ever read. I didn't want them to go to Hell, but I surely didn't want to be the messenger. I'll take the belly of the whale, thank you.


So in the belly I sat. Rebellious.


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I've repented, turned from my rebellion. Now I ask for strength daily and try to love my neighbor as myself. I try not to snap or sulk or be sullen, even when I have nothing to do. I try to be considerate. I try to smile and laugh more often.

 

I gave someone compliment the other day. It was sincere – the sweater really did look good with her skin tone. Her smile was so bright…it made my day.

 

My situation hasn't changed.

 

I have.