Cold Take: All the Money in the World

This is not a film review.

All the Money in the World is a film by Ridley Scott about the kidnapping of a Getty heir in the 1970s. The film initially starred Michelle Williams, Mark Wahlberg, and Kevin Spacey.

When it became public that Kevin Spacey had allowed his terrible actions to make him a terrible person, and he was replaced by Christopher Plummer.

Now, in the original trailers and posters, Kevin Spacey was almost unrecognizable. Playing a grandfather, he had been 'aged' to look the part. Because let's face it – the almost 60-year old Kevin Spacey looks nothing like our image of a grandfather.

Meanwhile, Christopher Plummer looks exactly like a grandfather.

Here's what I don't understand: Why did they spend money making a 60-year old look like an 80-year old? Why didn't they just hire Christopher Plummer (on an equally naturally grandfatherly looking man) in the first place?

Note this story is also the subject of the FX limited series Trust, where Donald Sutherland plays the Getty patriarch. It's not like there aren't Oscar-bait worthy elderly white male actors available. Bruce Dern (nominated for Nebraska) comes to mind.

The astounding part about Christopher Plummer replacing Kevin Spacey was that the film opened as scheduled – with all of Kevin Spacey's scenes re-shot.

Then it came out that Mark Wahlberg was paid goo gobs more than Michelle Williams for the re-shoot work. I briefly heard her talk about her decision to do the re-shoots, and seemed like she approached them as (for lack of a better term) an Artist. I will sacrifice to make this art succeed.

Meanwhile, Mark Wahlberg seemed to treat the re-shoots as Business. You want my time, it'll cost you.

I'm Team Mark on this one. You want me to work for scale because you decided this actor with a reputation could not longer represent your Oscar-bait film? Please.

What is more significant is whether Michelle Williams was paid at least as much as Mark Wahlberg when she first agreed to do the film. Because between the two of them, Michelle Williams is the Oscar-bait heavyweight who could get tongues wagging with Oscar buzz. So did they pay her right the first time?

Non-Dairy Yogurt – A Battle Royale

A week-long taste test of different non-dairy, non-soy, yogurt substitutes. The vanilla varieties were eaten with mixed berries. No sugar was added to the berries, nor honey or agave to the yogurt.

Here's how it went down:

Forager Project Cashewgurt (Vanilla)

Creamy and smooth, the cashew flavor was strong with this one. The flavor didn't overpower the berries; it simply tasted like I was getting protein. Because cashews. Ranking: 2

Ripple Greek Yogurt (Vanilla)

Both non-soy and non-nut, Ripple is made with a proprietary pea protein called Ripptein^TM. Having read the label before eating, my brain decided Ripple tasted like sweetened baby food vegetables. Additional points deducted for being nowhere near as thick as a typical Greek yogurt. It's edible, but nah. Ranking: 4

So Delicious Coconut Milk Yogurt Alternative (Vanilla)

This tasted like vanilla pudding, with no coconut flavor to be found. A somewhat thin pudding (it was the thinnest of all the yogurts), but a vanilla pudding nonetheless. It was a happiness. Ranking: 1

Kite Hill Almond Milk Yogurt (Vanilla)

It didn't taste like almonds, which was fine, but I kept thinking it would be best utilized as part of a smoothie. It's not unpleasant, just meh. Ranking: 3

Kite Hill Almond Milk Yogurt (Caramel)

A minute after the first spoonful, I read the ingredients on the label. Three minutes after that, I threw the stuff away. "Natural Caramel Flavor" does not agree with my palate. Ranking: 5