Cold Take: All the Money in the World

This is not a film review.

All the Money in the World is a film by Ridley Scott about the kidnapping of a Getty heir in the 1970s. The film initially starred Michelle Williams, Mark Wahlberg, and Kevin Spacey.

When it became public that Kevin Spacey had allowed his terrible actions to make him a terrible person, and he was replaced by Christopher Plummer.

Now, in the original trailers and posters, Kevin Spacey was almost unrecognizable. Playing a grandfather, he had been 'aged' to look the part. Because let's face it – the almost 60-year old Kevin Spacey looks nothing like our image of a grandfather.

Meanwhile, Christopher Plummer looks exactly like a grandfather.

Here's what I don't understand: Why did they spend money making a 60-year old look like an 80-year old? Why didn't they just hire Christopher Plummer (on an equally naturally grandfatherly looking man) in the first place?

Note this story is also the subject of the FX limited series Trust, where Donald Sutherland plays the Getty patriarch. It's not like there aren't Oscar-bait worthy elderly white male actors available. Bruce Dern (nominated for Nebraska) comes to mind.

The astounding part about Christopher Plummer replacing Kevin Spacey was that the film opened as scheduled – with all of Kevin Spacey's scenes re-shot.

Then it came out that Mark Wahlberg was paid goo gobs more than Michelle Williams for the re-shoot work. I briefly heard her talk about her decision to do the re-shoots, and seemed like she approached them as (for lack of a better term) an Artist. I will sacrifice to make this art succeed.

Meanwhile, Mark Wahlberg seemed to treat the re-shoots as Business. You want my time, it'll cost you.

I'm Team Mark on this one. You want me to work for scale because you decided this actor with a reputation could not longer represent your Oscar-bait film? Please.

What is more significant is whether Michelle Williams was paid at least as much as Mark Wahlberg when she first agreed to do the film. Because between the two of them, Michelle Williams is the Oscar-bait heavyweight who could get tongues wagging with Oscar buzz. So did they pay her right the first time?

Non-Dairy Yogurt – A Battle Royale

A week-long taste test of different non-dairy, non-soy, yogurt substitutes. The vanilla varieties were eaten with mixed berries. No sugar was added to the berries, nor honey or agave to the yogurt.

Here's how it went down:

Forager Project Cashewgurt (Vanilla)

Creamy and smooth, the cashew flavor was strong with this one. The flavor didn't overpower the berries; it simply tasted like I was getting protein. Because cashews. Ranking: 2

Ripple Greek Yogurt (Vanilla)

Both non-soy and non-nut, Ripple is made with a proprietary pea protein called Ripptein^TM. Having read the label before eating, my brain decided Ripple tasted like sweetened baby food vegetables. Additional points deducted for being nowhere near as thick as a typical Greek yogurt. It's edible, but nah. Ranking: 4

So Delicious Coconut Milk Yogurt Alternative (Vanilla)

This tasted like vanilla pudding, with no coconut flavor to be found. A somewhat thin pudding (it was the thinnest of all the yogurts), but a vanilla pudding nonetheless. It was a happiness. Ranking: 1

Kite Hill Almond Milk Yogurt (Vanilla)

It didn't taste like almonds, which was fine, but I kept thinking it would be best utilized as part of a smoothie. It's not unpleasant, just meh. Ranking: 3

Kite Hill Almond Milk Yogurt (Caramel)

A minute after the first spoonful, I read the ingredients on the label. Three minutes after that, I threw the stuff away. "Natural Caramel Flavor" does not agree with my palate. Ranking: 5

Red Lavender Herbal Red Tea

I think I found the reason why this container of tea was on clearance at my local grocery store.

Their combination of mild-flavored rooibus and strong flavored lavender resulted in something that tasted like anise.

Such liquid black licorice is not everyone's cup…of tea.

Miscellaneous Thoughts

Of which several feel like déjà vu. <sigh> Such is life…

I need to go Zuma Beach more often.

So far I'm really enjoying the new DuckTales, though I still have difficulty understanding what Donald Duck is saying.

I caught several episodes of Milo Murphy's Law, which included:

--I Like Big Boats and I Cannot Lie on the marquee in front of the school,

--A reference to Laugh-In's dancing Goldie Hawn, and

--A reference to Walk This Way from Monty Python.

How have I not been watching this show before now?

You remember the Hurricane Relief telethon from a while back? My favorite musical moment was Have a Little Help performed at the Grand Ol' Opry. I'm here for a Darius Rucker-Demi Lovato-Brad Paisley-CeCe Winans concert. Imagine, if you will, a few songs after CeCe's His Eye is On the Sparrow duet with a surprise guest, Brad Paisley strolls onstage to join her for How Great Thou Art. Here. For. IT.

But seriously though,

If you bring up the violence in Chicago as a response to any thing

You best immediately follow up with 1) how it is relevant to the topic you possibly may have hijacked and 2) your solutions.

And no, declaring 'their strict gun laws don't work'

without acknowledging the effects of differing gun laws in neighboring municipalities and states

does not satisfy condition #1.

Say No to the sound bite. Say Yes to being constructive. You know my mot-to

Do the Hard Work.

I love that in the movie Scott Pilgrim vs. the World, all of the bands have female drummers.

There's a Tremors 5. According to the TV guide, it was released in 2015 and set in South Africa. And yes, Michael Gross is in it.

At Target the other day, I noticed some of the mannequins were actual normal human woman size. And I rejoiced…until it occurred to me that what to my eyes is normal human woman size might be considered 'plus size' in their eyes. Then I was sad and mad but mostly mad.

One of these days I'm going to learn how to cook a steak to medium rare. Today is not that day.

The ice cream recipe says whipping cream + milk + other stuff. So naturally, when I use only whipping cream + other stuff, I am amazed – Amazed! – at the notion that I literally iced cream.

<Spoiler Alert!>

Happy to know I wasn’t' the only one who said, Wait – is that Azula fire? when the zombie dragon decimated The Wall on Game of Thrones.

<end Spoiler>

Remember the hurricane that devastated Houston and surrounding areas? And the one that devastated parts of Florida? Remember how you gave to support the folks there? Well, it'll take months, if not years, to rebuild. Keep giving.

Also keep in mind Puerto Rico, the US Virgin Islands, and where ever else disaster has devastated and people are in need (the fires in Montana come to mind).

Christian Fam, this means your offering for the next few months will go to helping people affected by several different calamities. If you regularly attend church, your tithe still goes there, but your offering, which is in addition to your tithe, will likely skip the building fund for a while (unless your church house has been directly affected).

If you don’t live in an affected area, look for local charities who have their feet on the ground (for example, food banks). International/Territorial giving might be a bit trickier, but I think there are stateside organizations which are collecting funds and distributing services and supplies to help the people in these places.

For situations like Vegas, you might need to start setting aside funds for the inevitable requests for help with medical bills and/or funeral expenses. A lot of people were injured; a lot of people were killed. Taking care of business is not cheap.

As always, pray first and listen to where God leads you. And as with all donations to organizations or individuals, vet everything.

There are some who are upset by those who demand more than offers of 'thoughts and prayers'. There are some who claim such critiques are calls to abandon God.

These folks have forgotten that Rev. Dr. King, along with others, did not solely pray. In addition to prayer, they acted.

If you have power and/or influence, prayer is not the only thing required of you. You are also to use the power and/or influence you have for the betterment of the people.

DC Looney Tunes Crossovers - Rankings

Have you heard? DC Looney Toons crossover comics were released this summer! Rated T for Teen, each comic starts with a DC-style story, followed by a Looney Toons-style story.

I bought 'em. I read 'em. I've got your rankings below and your synopses right here. I tried not to be spoiler-ly, but enter at your own risk.

#6 - Legion of Super-Heroes/Bugs Bunny

The lady at the comic book shop said this was an unexpected last-minute addition that caught everyone off guard.

It shows.

Despite a ridiculousness that made me giggle, the DC story was a slog to get through.

If you've read the synopsis, that's not a typo - the Looney Toons story is virtually identical to the DC one, rendering its existence questionable. Why repeat the story you just finished?

The T for Teen rating is earned by the satirization of teen angst, a style of humor that younger kids probably aren't able to grasp.

Feel free to skip this one.

# 5 - Martian Manhunter/Marvin the Martian

I found the DC story to be a little dull, perhaps because I knew how it would end. Sort of like when the lead from your favorite TV show is in mortal danger, but you know they're going to make it because they're the lead character.

The Looney Toons story is classic Marvin the Martian – though I was slightly unnerved by how Martian Manhunter was rendered. He was a bit too much like Genie from Disney's Aladdin.

Younger kids (roughly ages 10 and up) who have seen the films of the Marvel Universe (e.g. Avengers) or the DC Universe (e.g., Batman vs. Superman) should be fine with both stories.

#4 - Lobo/Road Runner

The DC story has a touch of zaniness – when the Road Runner's involved, how can it not? What hooked me was the explanation of how Wile E. Coyote and the Road Runner came to be, though I was disappointed with the relative lack of explanation of why the former chases the latter.

The Loony Toons story has a comment about cartoon violence that I'm still mulling over.

An enjoyable read, this is probably best for kids roughly 12 years old and up, due to the language (not quite cussing but right on the edge) and violence.

#3 - Wonder Woman/Tasmanian Devil

The DC story transitions seamlessly into the Looney Toons one; the two tales balance each other nicely.

Unexpectedly, the Looney Toons story feels more suitable for older kids (roughly ages 14 and up) - it's ever so slightly randy. Younger kids (roughly ages 8 and up) could probably handle the DC story, particularly if they've seen a Marvel or DC movie.

#2 - Jonah Hex/Yosemite Sam

Listen. They managed to make one of my favorite Looney Toons characters completely plausible in the DC world. It's a happiness that earns the T for Teens label, though a mature 11 or 12 year old could possibly handle it.

The Looney Toons story is as zany and kid friendly as a Looney Toons story could be. Perfectly suitable for kids as young as 8 years old, particularly if they've ever seen a Looney Toons cartoon.

#1 - Batman/Elmer Fudd

The DC story has a gritty noir feel more suitable for older kids, roughly 15 years and up. It's a marvel.

The Looney Toons story is of a typical Looney Toons style suitable for ages 8 and up, if you're comfortable letting your kids watch typical Looney Tunes violence.

This comic is further proof that the last-minute Legion of Super-Heroes/Bugs Bunny was completely unnecessary. Batman/Elmer Fudd is where the fork should've been stuck.

DC Looney Tunes Crossovers - Synopses

Have you heard? DC Looney Toons crossover comics were released this summer! Rated T for Teen, each comic starts with a DC-style story, followed by a Looney Toons-style story.

I bought 'em. I read 'em. I've got your synopses below and your rankings right here. I tried not to be spoiler-ly, but enter at your own risk.

Lobo/Road Runner

Fast and Fraggy-ous – Lobo is an intergalactic bounty hunter hired by Wile E. Coyote to catch the Road Runner once and for all. In exchange, Wile E. will take on Lobo's current bounty. Neither job is as easy as advertised.

But Wait, There's More! – Lobo is still on the hook for catching the Road Runner – it's in his contract!

Martian Manhunter/Marvin the Martian

Best Intentions – Marvin wants to destroy the Earth; J'Onn wants to save it. Humans, being human, do unhelpful human things.

The (Next to the) Last Martian – J'Onn happens upon the intergalactic plane that Marvin the Martian calls home. Impressed by J'Onn's abilities, Marvin schemes to take his powers and use them to destroy the Earth.

Wonder Woman/Tasmanian Devil

The Devil You Know – Themyscira is under Circe's control. Only with the help of the Tasmanian Devil, one of the many creatures of the Labyrinth, can Wonder Woman save her people from certain destruction.

Trojan Horseplay – As Diana sings Taz the story of the Trojan War, he drifts to sleep, dreaming of his own version of the fabled events.

Jonah Hex/Yosemite Sam

Comin' in A-Shootin'! – Yosemite Sam has just found a gold nugget in a mine on the land he inherited. Word travels fast, and Sam hires the bounty hunter Jonah Hex to protect him as he mines his investment.

The Road to Bruin – Yosemite Sam offers to help Jonah Hex collect a bounty on a notoriously ferocious bear.

Batman/Elmer Fudd

Pway for Me – Elmer Fudd is hitman. Word on the street is that Bruce Wayne killed his beloved Sylvia St. Cloud, and he aims to get his revenge.

Rabbit Season – It's Rabbit Season…or is it Bat Season?

Legion of Super-Heroes/Bugs Bunny

The Imposter Superboy! – It's the 31^st century, and the only thing that can save a dying Supergirl is a rare mineral that could be found by Superboy, the Legions' inspiration. The Legion goes to the 21^st century and brings back their hero only to find he is not as he seems.

Tales of the Legion of Super-Heroes – It's the 31^st century, and the only thing that can save a dying Supergirl is a rare mineral that could be found by Superboy, the Legions' inspiration. The Legion goes to the 21^st century and brings back their hero only to find he is not as he seems.

Disjointed Thoughts about HBO's Confederate

HBO's announcement of the new series Confederate seemed to be an attempt to preempt Amazon's announcement of Black America, a show that will be co-created by Aaron McGruder, creator of both the comic strip and TV series Boondocks. While both are alternative histories, a stark contrast remains: Confederate envisions black Americans as modern-day slaves; Black America does not. Given this difference, no matter when it was announced, Confederate was sure to draw fire. Why would the creators of Confederate want to see black Americans as slaves? That the creators have yet to build the world described in the press release made it more difficult for them to assuage the concerns of those who find the concept troubling.

So…Confederate will take place on the eve of the Third Civil War, where the sides, same as they ever were, are "The North" and "The South". But if the Civil War ended such that the Confederacy became its own country, then wouldn't a 'Second Civil War' and 'Third Civil War' simply be wars between two neighboring countries? Or has the definition of a civil war – a war within a country – changed?

Hopefully, this will not be the case, but I'm concerned about the potential framing of "The North" as 'good' – because it's racially tolerant and accepting, and the "The South" as 'evil' – because slavery. That narrative needs to be buried. There's little doubt that racist practices such as Redlining would've existed in "The North" regardless whether the Confederacy won. To pretend otherwise would be    tiresome and unfortunate.

Shout out to Black Nerd Problems for providing a list of 7 Black Alt-History Projects that would be better than Confederate.

Per the above mentioned list:

To the folks who can - will you please make Vigilance?

Pretty please?